#9 New Horizons

the end of my inner thoughts
Photo by Ann H on Pexels.com

I’M RIGHT BACK TO SQUARE ONE. It’s almost as if the entire world decided to soft reset, and I’m at the very start of 2020 yet again.

I’m almost relieved that all of my options have been stripped away from me, violently, and with little warning. Now I know that this couldn’t have been avoided. This isn’t my fault. These are the circumstances that we are dealing with, together. None of us are free from pandemic.

And isn’t it so ironic that it took something as Earth-shattering as a new pandemic to remind us that there is inherent chaos in our lives that we lead that prevents us from truly ever being free?

At the drop of a hat, it could all change.

We are living, now, in uncharted territory. I can’t see into the future. I don’t have any kind of crystal ball that holds all of the answers.

This is our story now.

We do not control every aspect of our lives completely, but we do have agency over how we work within each of our own personal limitations, and how we react to those externalities outside of our control.

The change has swept me away, and I am now living for the future in front of me.

All at once I am overwhelmed, terrified, eager, and content.

I had some more points to make, but all of them have mysteriously vanished. I’ve lost track of my thoughts. The future is ahead of me, and I have some scary decisions that I need to make soon, or otherwise risk the safety net. Though, the safety net isn’t so bad. I can always start over.

I had some more points to make, but… so be it.

I hope by now, dear reader, you understand: I really did try, and it wasn’t enough – because it never could have been enough. I’m not sad about that anymore. I’m moving on. I’m over it.

I’m not upset. There is no sadness. There’s a relief, almost – a happy-sadness – knowing that we’re at the end of our roads now; from here on out, everything changes. Nothing will go back to the way it was, but we can hope for better things.

At some point, the fear melts away.

There is no other way, and there never was.

My conclusion is that I won’t give up, and neither should you.

We’ve our lives to put our work into the world and hope that it enriches someone’s lives in the ways our loved ones have enriched ours.

I will struggle, and eventually I will be okay – but today is not that day.

I love you all, I just don’t have a place here anymore.

Until you hear from me next, dear reader; here’s hoping.

– JARED DUBAY-JURADO

JD-Jurado © all rights reserved 2020

Part 9 of 9 From Grim to Dire , A Testimonial for Being-to-be

#reallife #Wednesdaywisdom #wellnesswednesday

One thought on “#9 New Horizons”

  1. You are feeling what I was feeling when I was little and WWII began. The world went crazy. Bad things were happening. Many years of limitations, danger, nightmares. My brother went off to war. My father worried about being called into service when he was in his forties. I worried about losing him. Perhaps if you read history you would have more confidence in yourself. We are resilient. We learn to cope. We create what environment we wish to have. Life changes constantly. It’s not a neat thing. Grab the change and direct the energy.
    I think the doing is more important than the outcome.
    Good thoughts to you……..Marj

    Like

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