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1. Idiosyncratic Informalities

poetry self reflectin
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FOLLOWING THE TYPICAL CONVENTIONS afforded as a writer (thus the cheeky ALL CAPS at the start of this paragraph), I’ve found that I speak to myself in many ways besides the immediately obvious internalized-conversations-between-the-self. All writing, taken as a whole, is a time commitment. Everyone has different approaches to writing, and so everyone has different approaches to the kinds of stories they tell, and why.

We don’t write only for ourselves, we write to an audience (perceived or otherwise) that we want to have respond to us and our writing, and preferably in a positive way!  

There’s a saying that goes something along the lines of, “Everyone is their own worst critic,” or something of the sort. I can’t be bothered to look it up. It’s probably close enough, anyways. It’s hard NOT being myself when I’m writing, or to imagine an audience for the text that is anyone besides myself (because I am always myself and I am always capable of improving upon what I’ve already created).

When I do write specifically for myself, it will be addressed to myself (and if I wanted someone else’s input, I would have addressed it to someone else, or nobody at all). So, maybe this piece of writing is meant for myself, but I also mean it to be forthcoming – I’ve not found all the answers, and to expect anybody to have any or all of them would be unrealistic.

It’s too easy to be cynical.

It takes much more out of somebody* to stay positive, especially as the world is now.

*of course, when I say “somebody,” you (dear reader) know that I am referring specifically to myself, don’t you?

This decade started with India telling me, “Staying positive implies the existence and acceptance of negativity but with the understanding that it won’t always be shitty”. If you’re struggling now, remember that nothing lasts forever, everything changes eventually, and you’re still able to make a difference in ways that can impact others.

That being said, it’s not your responsibility to be OR stay positive. It’s also not your responsibility to make others happy.

It is your responsibility, however, to take care of yourself.

Yes, I am talking to YOU, reader, if you are still with me, and not to myself when I refer to YOU (although that might not always be the case, and if so, I will take care to remind YOU, the reader, that when I refer to YOU in some instances, I am referring to myself).

When I write for myself, it is because I am holding up a mirror. These conversations between myself and I are externalized and put into words. Now, I can read myself clearly, fluently, and I am much more organized with how my thoughts are expressed.

I am no longer in the abstract. I am concrete. I am digestible.

Writing is therapeutic because it reveals us to ourselves. We tell stories to reveal ourselves to us, and to others.

You might have also heard the expression before, “The past is a story we tell ourselves,” (and, yes, I will fully admit that I just googled that quote, and I haven’t watched Her, so maybe I don’t grasp the full context of how it is used in that movie, but the sentiment rings true regardless) but have you considered the notion that all of the present, at this point in time, right now, is a story that we are writing, collectively?

I will also admit that this metaphor easily breaks down under a fair amount of scrutiny, but I believe it works as a framing device nonetheless.

It might be easier to say, then, that we are not writing our own stories, but we do a great deal of editing to fit each part of our lives into our own exclusive, larger narratives.

Where am I going with this.

Where am I going with this?

We do not control every aspect of our lives completely, but we do have agency over how we work within each of our own personal limitations, and how we react to those externalities outside of our control.

That’s a pretty good conclusion. I’m sure somebody has said something along those same lines before, but I’ve had that thought enough times to where it feels liberating to finally put it into words, making it official.

It’s a little victory. Every day can have some little victory if you try hard enough – but sometimes, your best isn’t enough. It won’t always be that way. Change comes sooner or later.

I’m waiting on that change to sweep me away now.

My good friend Collin Jones said to me once, and I don’t remember exactly when, that all he wanted was for life to consume him. I used to think about this a lot. I still do. I also remember him telling me that “people eating food” made him sad. When I asked him why, he said, “it’s so sad,” and then added, “especially when they chew it”.

I also think about that a lot. Putting those two non-sequiturs together, I’d like to pull some kind of significance from it, but deep down I know that it was probably just Collin Jones smoking an atrocious amount of marijuana and using some colorful language to get his thoughts out all at once.

© JD-Jurado all rights reserved 2020

 

#poems #poetry #creativewriting #transformationTuesday #tuesdaytruth #tuesdayvibes 

 

February/March

hard times covid 19
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Terrified by my own reflection
I catch my own:
A glint of hope
Here are the years I wanted to remember
Forget to live
Forget to wade
In existing to exist
In being to be
I forget to breathe
I forget to breathe
Here’s hoping for better
Now I’m into myself
Sunk into surrender
Never-ending
Down
Edit as you go
Be okay being scared
Be afraid
As you must
Find another path you trust
Find another home for us
We’ll be on our way
Today seems awful gray
But know we’ll be okay

JD-Jurado February/March is about staying positive in hard times.

 

© JD Jurado all rights reserved 2020

#poems #poetry #creativewriting #wisdomwednesday

Disappear Here

 

angry poetry
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

nobody remind me
i forgot it all on purpose
if you find it
discard it
never be the one to start shit
restart this
start over
if you’re over me
stay over longer

cause i’ll come back stronger
like a rash
you can’t get rid of
every time i’ll be another picture
a thousand words
you can’t decipher

stand aside
sure
never ask them what for
say “decipher?
i barely know her”
you take each shot for taken
so who ain’t broken
and who can fix me

bristles don’t fit
nor missed on weekends
if you’re down for whittling
i’ll pine for ages
flimsy palindromes
you’re either with me or aren’t jack
roses get thorny
i do get along well
with broadsides and parcels
i only kill stars when spark lacks ignition
imagination is friction
i make do with all i’m given

 

JD Jurado- Disappear Here is about trying to be angry at someone who you don’t even know anymore. 

pal-in-dromes noun 
a word, phrase, or sequence that reads the same backward as forward. e.g. madam 
or never odd or even.

 

JD-Jurado © 2020 all right reserved.

#poems #poetry #creative_writing #TGIF #Fridayfeeling  #Fearless_Friday

 

 

Still Beat

mouth with nails
Photo by Rodolfo Clix on Pexels.com

 

carom before annihilation
heel turned face
evaluate me
get indicted
pull 180°
my life as A-rank
upstages phalanx

strength
we win
devour soul stuffs
stay attentive
bolster worthless
drones to stop me
you serve a softy
cracks whip on ice skin
bruises buried in
black-eyed coffin

your words lost on me
you speak too often
everything you say is lofty
can’t relate
no
stole your pace
so
now keep up
while you eat my dust bowl

charming devil
looks disheveled
puppet-master
i’m Geppetto
get on my level
or test your mettle
either way
won’t hit a lick on my soul

 

JD Jurado- Still Beat is about choosing not to be bad.

car-om noun
a stroke in which the cue ball srikes two balls successively.

verb
strike and rebouond

 

JD-Jurado © 2020 all rights reserved.

#poems #poetry #creativewriting #Thursdaythoughts #thinkpositiveThursday #ThankfulThursday #thursdayvibes

 

 

 

 

 

Bunyip Nimrod

cigarette turmoil bad situation
Photo by Isabelli Pontes on Pexels.com

 

splitting teeth grin
ear to ear to torn cheek
laughs at steppingstones
while kissing feet
loves being trampled on
and adores being burdened
knows all that it wants
is to be
fucking burning

circus of inertia
rearranged to be waylaid
attracted to kayfabe
please
pretend to be a person for my sake
or like you don’t get off on paydays

don’t fuck with the worthless
everyone jumps ship for triple digits
but i stay on it

neither with nor in the fuck shit
your delusions are amusing
but not worth consideration
not really
and none of you have or can feel me
so stay behind
while blind luck makes the best
out of the bad hand
we both picked

the situation was rearranged
and i abhor
that i was born from worthless
now a master of the left hand
my modus appropriated;
focus on the road
then let’s you and i blow it

 

JD-Jurado – Bunyip Nimrod is about being stuck in a bad situation with a good friend and making the best out of it.

Kay-fabe
Wikipedia-In professional wrestling, kayfabe is the portrayal of staged evens within the industry as “real” or “true”, specifically the portrayal of competition, rivalries, and relationships between participants as being genuine and not of a staged or predetermined nature of any kind. The term kayfabe has evolved to also ecome a code word of sorts for maintaining this “reality” within the direct or indirect presence of the general public. 

 

 

© JD Jurado all rights reserved 2020

#poems #poetry #creativewriting  #transformationTuesday #tuesdaytruth #tuesdayvibes

Suspension of Disbelief

 

dangerous love
Photo by Gustavo Almeida on Pexels.com

grifter
shapeshifter
wields the might of Genghis khan
sticks to the shadows
keeps down low
leaves no impression
blends in
if not through deception
then what then?

what then
what’ll you do
when the black shadow
of the burning man
comes to burn for you?

will you make like a moth
will you take off
where is there to hide
if it’s not safe inside?

safety lies
you’re always at risk
next time you make passes
reach for your glasses
this place is molasses
you’re stuck in the tar pits
drowning in blackness

never be hapless
next time please adapt then
you’re getting predictable
you’re always a laugh, kid
i’ll make sure you panic

next time you’re a rabbit
i’m tortoise
shellack this
you receive no passes
so feign to be tragic

 

JD Jurado -it’s about being attracted to someone who is dangerous but not wanting to acknowledge that fact.

 

 

©  JD-Jurado 2019 all rights reserved

 

#poems #poetry #creativewriting  #mondaymorning  #mondaymotivation #Mondaythoughts

Vitriol Stings

gossip vitriol
Photo by TOPHEE MARQUEZ on Pexels.com

 

ugly
certain somebody
nobody stop me
i’ve got wares and i’m not afraid to use them
nuisance
carpet comber
so a loner
make your money
say something

 it’s slow and
it’s dull and
it’s nothing that i paid for
scary
how we barely
talk like we used to anymore
we drift slowly
cause we’re lonely
somebody hold me closer
don’t stay a stranger
i’m slow to anger
but it’s way worse when all of it’s doxy
gimme moxie
gimme something
gimme sweet things
gimme ring ring

 fuck it all please
you’re my lottery
but you’re nothing
if you don’t love me

 nobody fucks me like me
i’m Orion because i belt creeds
i wear em like jewelry
bandolier of fat trophies
talking big game
when you play small
either win big
or not at all

ultimatum
said verbatim
“either live big
or be trampled on
it’s been way too long
since i’ve had some fun, kid”

i guess that counts for something
but i wouldn’t be here
if i was fronting

that’s what the pressure’s meant for
a diamond dozen
unaccustomed
meant for divine consumption
so here’s your chance to be a buzzkill

and if i had it my way
we’d all be meant for something
but if my will
doesn’t count for squat
then every hope we have
is all we’ve got left

 

JD- it’s about how affection can turn to contempt if left unchecked

ban-do-lier noun
an ammunition shoulder-belt with loops or pockets for cartridges.

 

JD-Jurado © 2019 all rights reserved.

#poems #poetry #creativewriting #Mondaymotivation #hellomonday #mondaymadness

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Backwoods Bloodsucker

vampire

 

numbskull millionaire nosferatu
gets less sun than he ought to
bumbling count extraordinaire
casts spells and shit on public access
chases clout
like the backwoods, barbell-lifting
son of a bitch that he is

wears beefy tees and hanes
tells the same stories each time
but with different names

who the fuck is this?
where did he come from?
and why does he keep jugs of piss
in his bathroom?
what’s the toilet’s for, if not…?
the fucker lives in the doldrums,
shits where he sleeps and scrapes mold
from his frenum like it’s no big deal
okay
then explain this

 no record
no trace of existence before 2004
and he says he’s 23
bitch please

 i don’t buy that claptrap
for even half of a second
so either clap back
or don’t
because i know who you are
and i see right through you

 no-reflection
looking-glass motherfucker

 if i catch your fang-y freak-show-looking friends around here
i won’t hesitate to drive a stake
through your brainstem
or all your friend’s brainstems,
for that matter

the next time your bad mojo
creeps into a house show
it’s quicksilver city
but we’ve got you on the guest list
regardless
and for you we’ve requested
garlic bread with extra garlic
‘cause we all know it’s your favorite

but if i’m being honest
and i mean to
i catch you stalking me at night again
and i’ll kill you

 

JD Jurado – This poem is about vampires.

fre-num noun
a small fold or ridge of tissue that supports or check the motion of the part to which it is attached, in particular a fold of skin beneath the tongue, or between the lip and the tongue

 

 

© JD Jurado all rights reserved 2019

#poems #poetry #creativewriting #mondaymadness #mondaymoods

Host

lamprey eel like fish

 

i’ve brushed shoulders
with sketches
clearly outlined
bolder than me
i’m scared
by my rough drafts
when they drag on, THEY SMEAR AND THEY BLEED

 bitch in sheep’s clothing
chew-toy plaything
calloused, slick, defiant and mean
like a scapegoat queen
always listening
useful leech, strange remedy

bite me, lamprey
with your teeth
suck the poison out like HONEY
leave your hickeys on my feet
blot your skin
MISTAKES ARE FUNNY

 symbiotic, symptomatic
surly, slovenly sincere
and surely steadfast
untapped, unharnessed
enigmatic, articulate fiend

bloody bistro
cistern chapel
lyrics consume
with vampiric greed

make monotony
mean something
every pair you make is LOVELY
like a simile given wings
snarky facsimile gives me COMPANY

i’m scared
by final drafts
when they’re finished, they forget about me

 

JD Jurado- “Host” is about finishing things only to be done with them.

lam-prey noun
Ancient extant lineage of jawless fish . May be characterized by a toothed, funnel-like, sucking mouth with horny teeth and a rasping tongue.

 

© JD Jurado all rights reserved 2019

 

#Poems #Poetry #Creativewriting #GoodmorningMonday #Mondaymonday #Mondaymoods #life

Maelstrom

whirlpool storm ocean
Photo by Alexander Kim on Pexels.com

scared i’m not going to be there when the other shoe drops
and it’s all gonna be fucked away
with the whirlwind i’m behind;
chasing storms
like it was all i was meant for

let me into your sweet heart
so i can show you how sour it really is

if you hold my hand i can promise you it won’t be so lonely
and you can let go whenever
because it’s all the same to me

i’ve been down here more times than i can possibly stomach
and walked all the way back
more times
than you can
possibly
fathom

i’m way deeper than you ever thought i could be
when the bad things bleed,
that’s how you know that it’s me

 

mael-strom noun
a powerful whirlpool in the sea or a river.

a situation or state of confused movement or violent turmoil.

 

© JD Jurado 2019 all rights reserved

 

#poem #poetry #creativewriting #Hellomonday #mondaymotivations #love