left suburban cities ran to the hills back where i told you “i love you still”
left it back in cali back in the filth back in a lockbox before it held pills
this is a fourth or a third now of my life i’ve spent without you i shouldn’t have burned the bridges in higher hopes of eviction
this is my waste of human skin
this is my backdrop this is the stage this is the end of it the book’s last page
this is the reason i took it and ran
this is the end, i shouldn’t have sugarcoated it i should’ve told you clipped the wings i coveted who am i lying to? i’m lying bare and awfully parched been soaked in tar for way too long
could’ve been an artist could’ve married young could’ve took my friends then, i should’ve run
i couldn’t fight it they lost me too i’ve been taken by what’s taken you
this is a fifth or sixth now of my life where nothing makes sense severed all ties disconnected no second chance no happy ending
what really happened to all my plans?
this is the reason this is the way this is midnight dark until it’s day
this is the way it has to be
this is the end, i couldn’t have gotten over it i should’ve left you before all this was evident who am i lying to? you should’ve known it from the start i’ve been holding back for way too long
speak in codes because i’m a mode of existence and i insist you resist the urge to be written
i digress and detest every ache of every page i filled books and mistook your happy endings as mistakes
but mistakes are not forevers
here’s the truth: i’m better
and i’ll never apologize because i’ve been kicking and alive and you’ve been killing so much time like time deserved to die and how many times have i used that refrain and how many times has it read the same and how many times have you been there reading over my shoulders waiting for me to spell your name
and you’ll get no satisfaction not from me not now and not ever
so, here’s to you i’m better
and i’m so much better without your letters making no sense what-so-fucking-ever
Verbalchemy 